rediscovering eden
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
whom shall i fear
whom shall i fear
i am yours
dailies
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
-12:20:00 p.m.
i juz hate making decisions�
but now I haf 2 decide whether I wanna stay in scona or transfer skool 2 old scona (yes it's 2 different skools!!!) it seriously sux but yah, I'm considering d change�coz basically, scona izz sorta lyk a neighbourhood skool wich I've been forced 2 go based on d fact tt I live in tiz area (another reason 2 hate living wif ma aunt's family!!!! *haha!* no lar :) I wanted 2 go 2 ainley but d counsellor directed mi here coz no skool will accept a new student in d middle of d semester unless they're living in tt area (n den it'll b tt skool's responsibility 2 do so) so yeah, as u guyz haf all read�I hate d skool coz I haf no frenz�(n u're lyk, izzn't ur own problem then??? Lyk even if u go old scona u'll still end up in d same state coz u're d one not making d effort!!!) I guess it's true�I admit I hafn't been trying d hardest but wallowing maself in self-pity most of d time�however, I DID try�juz not super hard�
ma sista made a good point: I'm in a totally new country where d cultures r different, d way they make frenz izz different too�so in their eyes, I'm probably not a very friendly person coz I'm not approaching them or aniting�but frm ma perspective, I AM d new student after all n yeah, I admit tt 4 @ least 4 d 1st month, I was realli freaked out bout going 2 skool�I'm onli beginning 2 settle down n get used 2 d place now�n feel more lyk I'm part of d skool�
but den again, u all can wave ur fingers @ mi n go *tsk!* X2�eden's juz making up excuses 4 herself again!!! Do u guyz noe how sad I feel nowadaes???? Seriously, it sux n most of d time I juz try 2 ignore tiz feeling�sumtimes it works, I get ma mind off things (n work n stuff) but den sumtimes I juz become super depressed�den it's lyk a wave, cuming n goin n cuming back again�
I noe, I blame maself a lot too, 4 being such a chicken n not toking 2 pple�4 being such an anti-social�tiz life izz juz not mi!!! I need pple 2 tok 2�now I dun seem 2 haf frenz in skool n I feel lyk I'm drifting away frm everyone I noe in s'pore�
So I've been praying bout everyting�I guess it realli helps :) wen I'm super depressed, I start praying n it gives mi peace! it's different frm toking 2 ma mum n effie, I mean, they're realli nice bout it n all�lyk supporting mi but they're still human, times they say stuff tt hurts mi w/out knowing n I would feel lyk I haf no one 2 turn 2�but praying izz different, I gif all ma worries 2 God n try 2 believe tt He'll take care of the rest! (I'm still tryin 2 believe�n I realli need 2 increase ma faith man�) It's realli cool wen He comforts mi instead of reproaching mi�tt's y d last few days has been great :) juz tt now, I'm feeling tt super low depressing tide again�hu noes? Mite b a satanic attack�trying 2 prevent mi frm going 2 God n hating Him 4 it�but I muz remain strong in God! Yes! *go eden!!!*
Ok, so I've juz digressed a lot frm wut I was initially toking about�changing skools! I was tinking, changin skools mite b a chance 4 mi 2 start over (yes�AGAIN!!!) coz now I haf a better idea how pple here make frenz so I can go over there n do tt! But if I do, I'll b startin anew as a 12 grader n I would onlie haf a yr 2 make frenz�plus, if I realli do end up making frenz here in scona b4 I leave, I would haf 2 leave ma new found frenz! So yeap�kinda confused rite now, coz d current situation izz bad, obviously I would wanna leave�but I never noe! Shld I stick 2 tiz skool??? Sigh�ma mum tinks I shld juz go 2 old scona coz it's realli much more acedemic den mine�c how lar!
Yap�tink I shld get goin now�lunch period's almost over!!! Cya!
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