rediscovering eden
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
whom shall i fear
whom shall i fear
i am yours
dailies
Sunday, January 01, 2006
-5:00:00 p.m.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!
wow i've been reading reviews about the past year and resolutions for the new year in blogs everywhere...so my post shalln't be exceptional either!!! :D it's good to think back about stuff...all so u can do better next time don't u think? u grow everytime u reflect and do something about it :) simple stuff u learn everyday!!!
anyways, so years in canada aren't really as defined as ones in singapore i guess *haha* especially coz the school year's totally off from the calendar year...when i think about this year, all i'll think about is summer onwards...seems like the jan-may semester doesn't really fit anywhere aye? i can hardly remember much about it either, except i was really slaving away to get school over and done with so i can get on with my 4 month break! but summer was one of the most memorable times of my life...i learnt so much, experienced so much...changed so much. that was another turning point in my life, the one that moulded me into what i am now...the one that brought so many important people and things into my life ^^
and thru the past semester, i've found out one thing about myself. i realized that even though i really like meeting new people and i'm really enthusiatic about getting to know them...it always comes to a point when i've known them that i'll put up a wall and prevent the friendship from getting on further. it might be when the semester's over and i'll stop keeping in contact with them or whatever...but maybe i'm just not good at keeping in touch with people. and that's probably why it's hard for me to have close friends in school and stuff coz i'm not very active in maintaining the friendship...yet i don't really mind...have i become such a person? how weird to think of myself in such a way...
anyways yesterday night we went to see fireworks at cityhall, the fireworks itself was very disappointing but i wouldn't say i expected alot out of edmonton fireworks in the first place LOL! but yes...there was at least 17 of us who went together and it was weird but i felt such a desperation in the big group. it was like i had to contribute enough to be included...of coz it's nice to be included but it's ok not to be u know? yet there was such a pressure, maybe of others' image of myself...maybe it was coz i didn't know all of those ppl well enough so i felt like i need to leave a good image and not one of a leftout person. but in the end i couldn't be bothered...i mean, how can u have a good time if u're trying to impress ppl all the time right? it wouldn't even be real if u're talking to a person, it's just a show put up for others. maybe that's why sometimes the conversations i have with others are so meaningless, coz i'm not really talking and my attention isn't really on the person...
but yes our group at church seems to be getting bigger and bigger, i shld be welcoming...and i am, to some ppl, i like all of them actually...yet i'm not of others. it's not really their problem...maybe i feel uneasy with them...maybe i feel like my status is threatened with them around, or maybe i feel like i'll be leftout or sth...but seriously, why is this sense of belonging to a group so important to me? when will it be genuinely wanting to get to know a person? somehow it seems harder in church than in school...image have become too big of a deal for me there and church shldn't even be about urself at all, it shld be about u and God.
i haven't blogged something so personal for a while...i dun even know why i'm doing this, showing this side of me to be visible to the whole world...maybe i just need to let it out, i've been struggling with this for a while now...yet i've never quite been able to put my finger onto the problem.
so there's some stuff i need to work on for this new year...but i still think my primary new year resolution is getting back on track with God. put Him first above everything else...and things will work themselves out once i do...well not like everything's gonna be ok but at least i know that God will be behind me in trying to work it out right? God please don't lose hope in me...
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